Sorry Miss Bronte...

     A few months ago I saw Wuthering Heights (by Emily Bronte) in the store and thought I'd buy it. For one, I haven't read it since high school, and for two, the cover was just so pretty. I know that's stupid but I have a thing for book covers. I'm sure I could have bought it for like 25cents at some used bookstore, or even three dollars at chapters with a very generic (aka ugly) cover. But this one was shiny and black with a beautiful red rose on it and I just couldn't resist.
    Anyway, a few days ago I started it. I got to about chapter five when I realized... I HATE that book! Sorry Miss Bronte, but it's true. I had totally forgotten how much I dislike Wuthering Heights and all its depressing-ness. That night I warred within myself- should I read it anyway or just put it away? It's very hard for me not to finish a book I've started. I finally left it to chance. If I found time to go to the library the next day then I'd shelve Wuthering Heights for now. Maybe I'll read it in another five years or so if I feel in the mood to be totally bummed out. (Doubtful).
    The book I read instead was... FABULOUS! (said in Jim Carey's Grinch voice). So awesome that I'm going to go out and buy it (as soon as it comes out in paperback). This book was... dum da da da...

     Juliet, by Anne Fortier. So good, everyone should go out and read it.
     Here's the gist: Julie Jacobs (very similar to my own Jessica Jacobs) goes to Italy to find some treasure her mom might have left her after she died. In the process, Julie finds out that she's actually Giulietta Tolomei- a descendant of a Giulietta Tolomei that lived in 1340 and is the basis for Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet. What's great about it is that Fortier goes back and forth between Julie's search to understand everything (sort of like a clue hunt) and Romeo and Giulietta's story from 1340.
     You might think, well I already know the story of Romeo and Juliet so- boring! But it's not the same story at all. And what I found interesting was that even though I know how Romeo and Juliet turns out (aka- tragedy), there was still this part of me that was wishing it would turn out differently.
     Julie's story is equally fascinating, funny, and of course- romantic. She wouldn't be Giulietta without her own Romeo. My only pet peeve is this: there is one certain character (who will remain nameless) that I just didn't get. I had this initial impression of him/her but later on it was like this character was a whole different person. Maybe that's what Fortier was trying to do- but it made the character unbelievable to me.
    Anyway, it was an awesome book that should be made into a movie PRONTO. Go and get it and read it-NOW. I command you. Meanwhile, I just might reread Romeo and Juliet- that's one depressing book that I actually like.

Death by Query

Death by Query #1

A literary agent (name withheld) was found in his office yesterday laying on the floor, dead. He was surrounded by stacks of query letters, first chapters, and SASE's. On his computer were hundreds of unanswered emails all with the same subject title: QUERY. Cause of death: unknown. However experts believe that reading thousands of really bad query letters every week might have caused said agent's heart to give out. Literary agents everywhere are taking extra vitamins and hiring college dropouts to handle their endless piles of queries so that they may avoid this kind of situation.

Death by Query #2  

Aspiring author M. Stanford was found in her home last night, slumped over her computer, her cheeks pressed into the keyboard, dead. Cause of death: unknown. However, evidence suggests something sinister. Note papers covered the desk with the same sentence written on each but in many different ways. Her computer screen showed a very jumbled query letter- repeated paragraphs written in different styles but conveying the same theme. Experts argree that possible cause of death was repeated attempts to write the perfect query letter. Her family, and her novel, are the only survivors of this tragic, and possibly malicious, death.

Brown and Niffenegger

     I've read two books lately- Dan Brown's "The Lost Symbol" and Audrey Niffenegger's "Her Fearful Symmetry". When I read books now, I really try hard to read from an author's perspective- looking for things like, what makes this book good? Why am I interested?

    Those two books I just read are so different. Dan Brown is great because he just has so much interesting and exciting stuff going on. His pacing is perfect, his timing intruiging, and he's got great one-liners. Sometimes I disagree with what he has to say, but since it's just a novel, I don't feel the need to get my panties in a twist over it.
     Audrey Niffenegger is so different. I loved "The Time Traveller'sWife". It was heart-wrenchingly sad and for some reason I like stories like that. They resonate with me. "Her Fearful Symmetry" was different. It started slow, and yet I kept reading. I wondered why. What was making me flip the pages into the late hours of the night? The entire first part of the book was basically back story- something that an author is NEVER supposed to do. And yet it worked. I wasn't bored. I didn't find excuses to do anything other than read. So why did I like it? Why was it good?

     I think the main thing is her characters. They are always very well done. You care about them, you identify with them, even when they are almost un-identifiable. Like Henry the time-traveller. Or Claire- his wife. Or in this book, the twins- Julia and Valentina. And Martin- their OCD neighbour. I've obviously never been a twin. And even though I've joked that I have OCD before (something I will never do again after reading that book), I don't even close to suffering from that disorder. But yet I felt the characters, I found them interesting and complex in their differences from me, and I understood them. That is something for sure.
    I have to say I was a little disappoinetd wth the ending. Although I could see what was coming with Valentina, I still wasn't happy with it. Maybe because in this case I wanted this happy ending and I didn't get it. Sure, things were wrapped up mostly (I'm still wondering about Robert), but I was left wanting. And thinking. And that in itself shows that she's a good author. That she captured me and led me into her world and I'm not quite ready to leave it, even though I'm done the book.
     Anyway, I'm left feeling... ? I not only finished that book today but I finished another edit on my own. So now I feel sort of like I'm missing something, sort of hopeful and sad at the same time, and ready to head to the library for something new to read so I can get lost in another world.
   

Query Complaining

     Can I take a sec to complain about the whole querying process? Of course I can- this is MY blog!
     Since I have some time before I start querying again, and I'm well into re-editing, I've decided to use any extra waiting time to really research the agents I'm looking to query. Not that I didn't do that before- because I did. I read articles about them, read books they represent, even sometimes books they've written themselves. But here's the problem. Or problemS...
     First of all, how do you come across in your query that you did your research without sounding like a brown-noser, or worse- stalker. Or do you mention nothing about it all, instead assuming that since you researched and KNOW that said agent is looking for your type of book, they will automatically understand that you did your research.
     That sentence made no sense. Maybe I need to get back to writing.
     Anyway, and then... sometimes there's really nothing you can find about said agent. Like, ok, they represent this book or that book, but if yours is exactly like it (or very similar) they won't want to represent you because it's too close to the client they already have. Or if yours is different, then they're going to think to themselves, this person did not do their research and therefore their query is going straight to the bin.
     Or you read that they're looking for a compelling voice and good-storytelling. Well duh. What author who sends their book out doesn't believe that about their own book?
     And then there's the whole issue of comparing. I have read that you NEVER compare your book to a bestseller. But should you compare it to a book no one but the agent has heard of? And then what do you say? No matter what you say, you're going to come across as either pretentious/egotistical or too humble/ unconfident. Or maybe that's just me.
     And then of course, there's the simple fact that I've done TONS of research about querying and come up with one incontrovertible truth: there is NO ONE RIGHT WAY to query. Some agents want to be flattered. Others want authors to get straight to the point. Some like title and word count first off, others don't care if it's at the end of the letter. Where one query might work for one agent- that same query might get totally rejected by another. And that's even after you've followed the basic query format. ARGH!
     And don't even get me started on the fact that most agents don't read the queries at all...

     Ok, I'm done complaining. That was the despair before the action. Venting my thoughts and worries before I actually get involved in the querying process once again. Because once I do, I won't be worried about all that. I'll just be worried about making sure my query is the best-written, best-researched query letter it can be.

Resolutions

     You know, I never actually make a list of New Year's Resolutions. They almost seem like a taboo to me- you officially make a resolution, you won't keep it. But I decided to hang it all and make a list, on record, and then in  few months or at the end of the year I can see how good I've done.

     1. Spend more time with my kids. I'm already NOT doing this by posting on my blog. But I think this is my most important resolution, and by the hardest for me. Not that I don't spend all day every day with them because believe me, I do. But I hardly PLAY with them. I need to do that more.

     2. Write everyday. And by write I mean- write, edit, research, rewrite, etc. Everything to do with my writing, I need to do a bit everyday. Which I'm actually pretty good at already but I did slack off for a couple months there.

     3. Exercise and eat well. I did really well keeping points and everything for a while there but for some reason I'm reluctant to go back to that. Somehow I would like to find a balance where I'm not gorging myself (like I tend to do on cheat days and then I feel sick) but where i'm not just eating salads either. Not that I did that before. I just need to find a balance of healthy eating and the occasional treat. (Good luck with that Melanie).

     4. Listen to the New Testament with my kids. As soon as I've downloaded it onto my iPod, I've got that one in the bag.

     5. Be better at the church basics- visiting teaching, tithing, praying... I'm a work in progress, what can I say...

     So there it is. I'm not going to say, we'll see how I do, because I think that's just setting me up for failure. I WILL do them. I WON'T fail.

Happy New Year

      Welcome 2011. What will you bring? Leaving the scary realm of thirty-year-old-dom, and entering the even scarier, one year closer to forty, thirty-one. Kids turning 4, 2, 6 and then 8. A 10-year wedding anniversary and hopefully a vacation to somewhere tropical for the first time in that ten year marriage.
     Those are givens. Gonna happen whether I like it or not.
     What will happen that I won't be expecting? What will surprise me in a fatastic way? What will sadden me? I can't help but wonder what's coming in 2011. I can't help but look ahead. It's almost a bad habit because sometimes I'm so focused on what's coming next that I totally miss what's happening now.
     This year is going to be a good one. I'm going to declare it to be so. I know it will have hard times, sad moments, struggles. But I also know it will have laughter, dancing, big smiles and great joy. Because that's just the way life is.
     So bring it 2011. I'm ready for you.

A Sense of Accomplishment

     It feels great to be doing something again. I took a nice long break from all things writing (besides the blog); instead reading a whole bunch and enjoying my Christmas holidays. But it feels great to be getting back to it. I'm editing my first book for the ka-billionth time (I've lost track) and at the end of each day (ok, it's only been two days so far) I feel this sense of accomplishment that's just wonderful.
     And I realized something...
     I've said before that mothers need to find something they love and then find the time to do it. But it's not just about doing something you love, it's about accomplishing something. I find that being a mother doesn't really give me that feeling.
     Now before anyone starts freaking out on me- let me just reiterate the fact that motherhood is VERY IMPORTANT. In fact I think it's the MOST important job for a woman. (First I got the housewives all up-in-arms, and now the feminists!) It is wonderful, and very rewarding.
     But...
     I don't think it lends itself to that gratifying feeling of "I accomplished something." I'll explain why.
     Lasting through pregnancy without murdering someone (most likely your husband), getting through labour without screaming bad words at the top of your lungs, and then dealing with all the after nonsense (afterpains, frozen pads, warm-water squeegie bottles, a hideous flabby belly, very sore nipples, and wanting to cry while nursing in the middle of the night because you're just so tired, to name a few)... all of that IS an accomplishment.
     But once the baby is here, everything it learns- the first steps, holding it's own spoon, first words- those are all the child's accomplishment- not yours. And then as the kids get older and they play nicely with other kids, or they get good grades in school, dance perfectly at their ballet recital, or score a goal in hockey- again, their accomplishments.
     You can claim some sort of credit by saying, "I taught them well," or "I was a good example," or "I helped them practice".  And you definitely feel proud. I know how awesome it feels, that swelling in your chest as your cheeks spread wide in a cheesy smile that you can't contain and tears well at your eyes even though you're not even remotely sad. I get that feeling ALL THE TIME. And it's awesome.
     But you can't look at them doing those things and say, "I did that." You just can't. Because YOU didn't do it. They did. And good for them.
     The other thing is, motherhood never ends. You are never done. Your child is never done. You can finish a book, or paint a whole picture, or learn an instrument. Your child never stops growing. They accomplish one thing- like learning to crawl- only to move on to the next thing- learning to walk. Even once they've graduated from college, gotten a career, gotten married, and had kids, they're still not done- and so you're still not done. I personally can't get that feeling of accomplishment when really, I've only just begun.
     But when I spend one, two, three hours working on my writing- whether it be actually writing, editing, or doing research- I go to bed that night and I can say, "Look what I did today. I did that." And the same can be said for whatever it is you do. Whether it be running a marathon, sewing a pair of pajama pants instead of buying them from the store, even making a dinner that the whole family loves- those are the things that will give you that feeling. Something YOU did.
     And why is that so important?
     Because it boosts you up. It makes you feel good. Smart, strong, useful, important. A mother can't teach her kids to love life and take meaning from it without loving it themselves.
     Without loving themselves.

***Disclaimer: This is purely how I feel. There could be thousands of mothers out there who get a sense of accomplishment from raising their kids. But for those who don't get that PARTICULAR feeling, find something you love and do it. Trust me, it works.***

The End. (Of Christmas That Is)

     Well, Christmas is over. O-V-E-R. I find it very anti-climactic. It's like this huge buil-up, the anticipation and the waiting and excitement... and then BOOM! It's over. Just like that. I always feel a little bit of a let-down when it all ends. Not that I'm disappointed in the gifts I received, or in the family time spent, or the food eaten. More it's just a general sadness that Christmas is over for another year. In the next week I'm going to start feeling the manic need to take down all my Christmas decorations and move on, which I will do. And it won't be until next fall when I'll start to feel the excitement start to build again.
     It was a good Christmas though. I got to visit my parents and dip fondant chocolates for the first time. We spent lots of time with Jeff's family, which is always a lot of fun. (Luckily this year I managed to keep my rage in check around them! HAHA!) The kids were psyched to get DS's from Santa, and I was psyched to get my favorite gift- one I get every year- a gift card for the mall. We watched a lot of the Grinch, and Dora's Christmas Carol. I ate (and am still eating) A LOT of yummy food (I know what my new year's resolution is going to be!). And today at church the Christmas Program that I organized went really well. It's been a good holiday season, and I have much to be thankful for.
     I'd like to take a sec and say thanks and an 'I Love You' to all my family out there- the Stanford's and the Burt's. I'm so thankful for my family and wish I could see them more often. And I'm thankful that we have Jeff's family nearby to spend time with. I may get exasperated sometimes (ha!), but it would be so crappy to live somewhere completely on our own with no family close by.
     I am very blessed. Even though sometimes I think I don't deserve it, I am grateful. So very grateful for my family and for everything that I have. And I'm looking forward to seeing what the New Year will bring.

My pickle-ectomy

     Well, I had my last jazz class last night. After almost four months of taking the class, I still couldn't fully let loose. I couldn't dance like no one was watching me like I wanted. It seems I still have a pickle wedged up my... well you know where. Help! Doctor! I need an emergency pickle-ectomy! STAT!

     Here's what I realized about myself. For me to truly give it my all I need a costume, makeup, a stage, a spotlight on me, and an audience sitting in front of me, their faces just a blur in the darkness. When I'm in that setting it's like I become someone else, I embody the character that my dance is portraying, I truly lose myself in the dance. That's probably why I like performing so much. Even though I get nervous before I go on stage, there's nothing like the rush of being in front of an audience, hearing their applause and shouts after the number is over. It's amazing.

    I've signed up for another session of jazz starting in January. Hopefully this time I'll be able to do better. I'll aim for losing myself in the dance even though it's just a class. Hopefully I can get just a little bit better, a little bit less uptight. It will be a gradual pickle-removal, instead of an emergency procedure. And that will just have to do.

   
    The Christmas season is in full swing and I'm always amazed at how busy it can get. This week I'm up to my ears in root canals, christmas concerts, birthdays, and baking. Not to mention my mom is coming, then I'll be taking the kids to Cardston and then back home next week when I'll have to get all those last-minute things done before Christmas day actually hits. Because I am who I am, I can't help but look ahead and mentally make lists for days to come even though it's useless stressing about things I can't even do yet.
     I was reading the kids a Christmas story the other night from a Disney book we have. It's an "Ants" story about how Flik invents this machine to make Christmas a whole lot easier. The machine ends up destroying everyone's presents and the moral of the story is that you shouldn't try to take the busy-ness out of christmas because that's one of the things that makes it special. Working hard and doing things for those you love is one of the best things about Christmas.
     I'm not the busiest person out there, that's for sure. I mean, I obviously have time to post on my blog! But I do know that taking the time to make Christmas special for my family is one of the wonderful things about the season. I wouldn't change a thing about it all. Not the decorations, the shopping, the wrapping or the cooking. It's all part of making Christmas "the most wonderful time of the year". I love it all!
     And now I've got to go change my laundry and blow dry my hair, then pick up Logan then...

Simple-Minded Melanie

     Last week I was thinking about how animated I get when I talk about Harry Potter, or how I was excited for Eclipse to come out on DVD. I immediately compared myself to the phrase: simple pleasures for simple minds. It seemed obvious that that was me- easily pleased with such small and silly things, making me one of the many simple-minded out there.
     But then I thought- how stupid is that phrase?! I mean, really. Think of the opposite of the word simple. Hard, difficult, complicated. Since when do any of those words go with the word pleasure? Things that are hard to deal with or understand are never fun. And there are very few people in the world who get pleasure from things that are complicated. Yes there are people out there who make amazing discoveries, inventions, or get pleasure from being top of their class of head of their company. And yes, those people probably aren't simple-minded. But don't most of us find our pleasures from the simpler things in life? Like playing a favorite sport, eating a truly delicious meal, or getting a raise. Christmastime, or an 'A' on an exam, or a child's laughter. A sunny day, watching your favorite tv show, reading a great book. I would say that all of those things are a simple pleasure, so does that make us all simple minded?
     I know I take pleasure in many small and simple things. Listening to my kids belly-laugh, hearing a song I love on the radio when I was just wishing for it, smelling the first smell of spring after a long winter. And there's more, many more. Getting my People Stylewatch in the mail,  figuring out a Sudoku puzzle in less than a minute, sitting on my couch under a cozy blanket next to my lighted Christmas tree with a fire in the fireplace.
     I could go on... forever. There are so many things in life we can take pleasure from. Simple, easy, small things. Does that make me simple-minded? Actually, I really don't care- because I'm happy. The day I stop finding joy in the little things of life, is the day I become a person that I just don't want to be.

Warning: Reading this may cause nausea, vomiting, aches, pains, or a general sense of disgustedness

     It's hard to be excited about anything today since I have the worst toothache I've ever had. I know- that sounds silly, like- toothache? Big deal!
     Ha! Yeah, right. Because not only do I have a toothache, but I have a gigantic sized swelling in my gums that, 1- looks like a small tumor, 2- is throbbing so bad that I can't eat, sleep, smile, or think about anything else, 3- has caused my cheek to swell so that I'm starting to resemble Harry Potter in that scene where Hermione hits him in the face with a jinx to disguise who he is, and 4- basically makes me want to shoot myself. (And if I do, I'm aiming straight at the thing because I would like to blow it to bits.)
     So basically I'm miserable, and I have more than a week to stay that way because my root canal isn't scheduled until NEXT monday. The antibiotics I'm on haven't done didley squat except to make me nauseous, nor have the alarming number of advils I've taken. I'm thisclose to trying to pop the darn thing, but the thought of sticking a pin in it gives me the willies and having pus-like-nastiness drain into my mouth is just plain gross. (I did warn you about reading this, don't say I didn't!)
     Anyway, there is something to be excited about today and that's the DVD release of Eclipse. In honor of that, I've posted Muse's "Neutron Star Collision" down below because it's an awesome song and it shows clips from the movie. I'm just hoping I'll be able to drag myself to the store sometime today to buy it. If you see me there- please be nice and don't mock my swollen face. Or I might just lift up my lip and show you something that will give you nightmares forever more.

Christmas Music

     Well, it's December 1st so I think it's safe to put christmas music up on my blog. Yay!
     I've never understood the haters out there who can't stand wonderful songs like "White Christmas", "O Holy Night", and my favorite- "Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire". Sure, I know some songs are mildly annoying- "The Twelve Days of Christmas" of course, except for the Chipmunk version, and I've never been a fan of "Little Drummer Boy". And I have to say that most christmas songs done by artists in the 70's, 80's and even 90's are definitely not my faves. In fact, I bought this one CD mainly for Madonna's version of "Santa Baby" but I find the rest of the songs so annoying that I hardly listen to it.
     But it's not really the songs that are annoying but the singers and their arrangements. I tend to like the classics- Ella Fitzgerald, Bing Crosby, Frank Sinatra, Nat King Cole, and Perry Como. I also grew up listening to Boney M- a 70s group that I would probably hate if I hadn't listened to it every christmas of my childhood. And then there's the modern day singers that have put out some great CD's: Mariah Carey and Harry Connick Jr both have two great ones, Josh Groban, Celine Dion, Faith Hill, Paul Brandt, are some of my faves, and I can reminisce about my boy-band-loving days with 'N Sync and 98 Degrees.
     Can I just say, christmas music is the best! It makes me happy (I write this with a goofy grin plastered on my face). Mid-november I was putting up a few christmas decorations even though I wasn't really feeling it. And then I put on a CD and bam! I was in fully wrapped in the Christmas spirit. It's amazing what music can do.
     Let me tell you, it's going to be very hard to pick out just a few songs to post.

Swimming in the Harry Potter pool

     You might be tired of listening to me rave and gush about Harry Potter. The thing is, when I read the books and watch the movies I get so wrapped up in the world it's like being fully immersed in a pool that's so warm and comfortable and magical that I don't ever want to get out.
     I saw the movie last thursday night and absolutely loved it. It's unusual for sequels to be better- usually 2nd and 3rd movies are worse than the first one. But the HP movies have just gotten better and better and number 7 was the best one yet. This may be the result of being unable (and unwilling) to extract myself from the HP world, but I thought it was one of the best movies I've seen lately. I haven't gotten to re-reading book 7 yet so I couldn't really remember the things the movie left out- also why I loved the movie so much: I couldn't be annoyed with what was missing.
     Re-reading the books has made me wonder what it is about them that I love so much. Or, as an aspiring author myself, I can't help but dissect what could have possibly made them so hugely popular.
     Unfortunately I have no answers to that question. I mean yeah, they're full of humor, action, romance (later on), and suspense. But a lot of books can claim that. I think JK Rowling's voice really stands out- I find myself thinking and saying words like "bloody", "blimey", "mental", and "brilliant" when I'm reading the books. But the voice could be so strong for me just because it's slightly foreign.
     There is one thing that probably attracts me to the books more than any other. The fact that I have always secretly wanted to be able to do magic. Not Criss Angel-like weirdness or annoying card tricks. Real magic. And JK Rowling made a world where normal people in the world we know have the ability to learn magic and go to a school that teaches it. That in itself, sold me on the books from the start.
     But could that be the only reason they did so well? Doubtful. But as to why they are so hugely popular- I could wrack my brains for hours on end to figure out the formula that she used to make a massively successful book series but I would never come up with the answer. And even if I did, I'm sure luck and timing play a huge part aside from the obvious: great writing.
     All I do know is that I love the world of Harry Potter. I love being able to escape into a world where people can become invisible, turn cups into gerbils, turn themselves into animals or change their appearance, and ride flying broomsticks. There really is nothing else like it anywhere. Which is why I re-read. And re-read, and re-read. Even though I haven't yet finished the series this time around, I'm already looking forward to July when I can dunk myself into the Harry Potter pool all over again.

     I met with Gail Bowen yesterday- the author who looked at the first 25 pages of my manuscript. It was a really good meeting. She was friendly and helpful and very positive about my book. She gave back the 25 pages with her edits as well as things she liked. It was nice to be able to talk face to face with someone who is in the business already and hear her advice.
     Interestingly enough, she didn't give me quite as much negative as I'd hoped. She did give a few suggestions- some of which I will definitely follow through on, one big one I have to seriously think about. But in all, most of what she had to say was positive.
     Which brought me to wonder... is it possible that my book isn't absolute rubbish after all? After receiving 20+ rejections, it's natural to think that something is wrong with it. That I have some major issues somewhere that need to be fixed. But... could it actually be... dare I say it, good? Or even better than that- really good? (I tremble at the very thought.)
     After thinking the above as I drove home from the appointment, I quickly tossed that possibility aside and considered something more plausible, and probably more realistic.
     Maybe she is someone who doesn't want to give negative feedback because she doesn't think that will be helpful. Maybe, deep down, she thinks my book is horribly bad but doesn't want to say that out loud because, let's face it- that's mean.
     So here's the golden question: If you have this dream that you happen to suck at really bad (but you don't know it), is it better to keep trying at it and trying at it for most of your life even though you won't ever get anywhere (because you suck)? OR is it better to have someone just tell you the truth- that you will never accomplish that dream so just give up now instead of wasting your time/life pursuing it?
     I can't help but think of Simon Cowell. So rude, so mean, sometimes reduces people to tears. But anytime I watch him crush someone's dream of becoming a singer, I can't help but think that he's doing them a favor. He's being honest. People who can't carry a tune should never EVER try to sing solos in public- it's just not fair to the rest of the world. And why bother trying over and over to become a singer when no matter how many singing lessons you take, or auditions you go to, you will never be a good singer.
     Isn't it the same with everything- writers included? Sure, I can write and write and write some more, maybe finishing ten or twenty books in the next twenty years. And maybe I would get a little better as the time goes by. But if I just don't have it to begin with, wouldn't it be fairer for someone to just tell me now, so I can move on?
     Would I really like that though? Do I really want someone to crush my dreams so brutally, so finally? I think it's good for others, but what would I do if someone actually told me that I suck? Would I quit? Or would it spur me on to try harder (even if it meant twenty or more years of pointless writing)?
     I read once that someone told JK Rowling that she would never get published as a children's author so she should just stop trying. Can you imagine if she had listened to him/her? There would be no Harry Potter (I cringe at the thought). She wouldn't have made ka-billions. The world would be a much sadder place because of all the kids who wouldn't have entered the wonderful world of books all because of a boy wizard.
     I don't have the answers to any of my questions. What I do know is that I appreciate every bit of encouragement I get- from Gail Bowen, from my husband and sister who have read my book twice, from my two sisters-in-law who both read a very early and frightening draft, to every person out there who has heard I've written a book and tell me- good for you! Keep at it! I'm not going to quit. At least not yet. Maybe my book is rubbish. Maybe it belongs in a trash bin. Maybe I have no place whatsoever writing novels.
     But maybe, just maybe, my book is actually good. Maybe one day I'll see it sitting on the bookshelf at Chapters. Maybe one day, next year or ten years from now, my dreams might just come true.

Yay! Harry Potter!



     In honor of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows Part 1 coming out today, I'm posting the trailer, which I'm sure every person alive has already seen- but I don't care.
     Sadly, due to a busy weekend, I won't be able to see it until next thursday. I've already bought my tickets and I'm counting down the days- 6 more to go! (Uh-oh, my nerdiness is showing, isn't it?)
     I can't wait to see it. I'm glad they decided to split it into two parts because hopefully that means they'll stay true (or true-er anyway) to the story and not cut too much out. That's my biggest pet peeve with the movies- they chop so much great stuff out that I want to see. Of course I get it- no one wants to watch a five-hour long movie, but still. It's sad when favorite parts of the books are cut out.
     Anyway, can't wait- the movie looks awesome. And to anyone who is seeing it before me- I don't want to hear about it. Especially if you hate it or something. I don't want anyone or anything killing my Harry Potter buzz.

Excitement

     I'm sooooooo excited for tomorrow! I'm meeting Gail Bowen (Canadian mystery author) who is going to critique my first twenty five pages. I received an email from her today telling me she's already read it and thinks it's good. She gave me a critique on my synopsis (which I already figured was BAAAAD) but had only positive things to say about my manuscript. It just made me excited for tomorrow.
     I love to hear the positives but I'm also looking forward to hearing what I can fix or work on. I've pretty much shelved my first book- hardly thinking about it (if hardly thinking about it means five or six times a day as opposed to five hundred times a day... seriously), and not sending it out to anyone. I'm planning to re-edit after I've spoken to her (and after I've read through Harry Potter again since I don't want HP influencing my book in any way), and then I'm going to start sending it out again in late January.
     I can't wait. I know it's good to leave your work for a bit so when you return to it you're coming with a fresh perspective- but I can't help but feel like I'm wasting time. Especially since I haven't been writing either, I'm stuck on research right now. I've been pretty much stagnant in the writing department, and that's never good. So I can't wait for tomorrow. Ok, how many times have a I said that now?
    Just once more- I can't wait!
    

Struggles

  
     My mom was here last week so I didn't do a lot of writing or blogging. What I did do was a lot of shopping. Thankfully my list of christmas gifts to buy is dwindling slowly. Just a few more to go...
     As I was on the treadmill this morning, I was struck with how inconsistent I am. I set goals for myself and I'll do really good for awhile and then boom- I've fallen off the wagon. Or sometimes I'll think, ok I've got this one in the bag- it's easy for me now to do this thing every day- so I'll start with a new goal. But with the new goal, the one I thought I had down before starts to slide. Why is that? Why can't we get used to doing something and then gradually add new goals until our days become the full and productive things we aim for?
     For example- exercise. I'll go for a week, a month, a few months, exercising at least three times a week. And then something happens and suddenly, I'm no longer doing it. Or my writing, I'll write for a few hours every day and then all of a sudden- I'm not writing anymore. And then there's my eating habits. They used to be good. Last year I lost a little over 20 pounds and kept if off for awhile. And then gradually my healthy eating habits disappeared and I'm racking my brain trying to figure out how I got here and how I can get back to where I was.
     I feel like I had everything right last year- or even just a few months ago. So what happened?
     I wonder if maybe I struggled just as much before but I just don't remember. Maybe I only remember the results. Maybe I worked through my struggles to get the good results. Maybe I'm just not working hard enough.
     With a new year just around the corner, a part of me just wants to forget it all for the next month and a half and start afresh in January. But I know that it will be a lot easier in the new year if I already have good habits in place. (And I don't even want to imagine what my weight would be if I let it all go for that long. Yikes.)
     Somehow, I have to remember, or figure out all over again, or find a new way of doing things the right way. I have to get back to that place where I feel like I'm accomplishing my goals. It's hard to think sometimes that it will always be a struggle. But I guess that's why people say 'life is hard'. It's never just an uphill journey. You might get to the top and then a little bit later you find yourself sliding down without knowing what the heck happened to knock you off that peak.
     But that's what makes it life, right? The ups, the downs, the struggles, the rewards. Slogging through the tough times and enjoying the great moments. It's not always easy, but it's definitely worth it.