Well, I had my last jazz class last night. After almost four months of taking the class, I still couldn't fully let loose. I couldn't dance like no one was watching me like I wanted. It seems I still have a pickle wedged up my... well you know where. Help! Doctor! I need an emergency pickle-ectomy! STAT!
Here's what I realized about myself. For me to truly give it my all I need a costume, makeup, a stage, a spotlight on me, and an audience sitting in front of me, their faces just a blur in the darkness. When I'm in that setting it's like I become someone else, I embody the character that my dance is portraying, I truly lose myself in the dance. That's probably why I like performing so much. Even though I get nervous before I go on stage, there's nothing like the rush of being in front of an audience, hearing their applause and shouts after the number is over. It's amazing.
I've signed up for another session of jazz starting in January. Hopefully this time I'll be able to do better. I'll aim for losing myself in the dance even though it's just a class. Hopefully I can get just a little bit better, a little bit less uptight. It will be a gradual pickle-removal, instead of an emergency procedure. And that will just have to do.