Geek/Dork/Nerd

     A few weeks ago my brother-in-law happened to mention the new Harry Potter coming out soon. My reaction? "Harry Potter- whowhowhooooo!" And that was a totally non-sarcastic laugh of excitement. (Seriously- can't wait!)
    
     So I can't help but wonder if that makes me a geek. Or a dork. Or a nerd. And is there a difference between those three?
     I never thought of myself as a geek (or dork or nerd). I was never great in school, I loathe science and math, Star Trek only has appeal because of Chris Pine, and I only ever played Dungeons and Dragons once. And to defend myself on that last one- I was like fourteen and at the time it was totally cool to get to stay up until after midnight to play the game with my older sister and her friends.
     On the other hand, I love to read, I have a collection of expensive dragon statues (not big ones), and my favorite t-shirt says, "I never got my letter to Hogwarts so I'm moving to Forks to live with the Cullens."
     Do those things make me a geek? The fact that I own that t-shirt (as well as two more Harry Potter and Twilight t-shirts) shows that I'm a Twihard or have Pottermania, but does that denote geekiness? I would say no. But others might disagree.
    
     To them I would say, have you watched The Big Bang Theory? I am nothing like those dudes! In fact, I would consider myself closer to Penny with her "blonde" moments rather than the nerdy Sheldon who spouts things I've never even heard of and would never have the brain power to understand.
     As I was watching Bachelor Pad a few weeks ago, Tenley, one of the so-called "cool" crowd in the house, described herself as a dork, after which Kypton quickly agreed and also called himself one. It reminded me of the movie Sydney White, where everyone stands up at the end and proclaims themselves dorks for one reason or another.
    
     So is it cool to be a dork? When I was a teenager, one would never admit such a thing. But it seems like everyone is saying that about themselves these days. And again, is there a difference between a dork, a geek, and a nerd? And if there is, which one am I?
     Maybe that's a question I don't really want to know the answer to...
    

Christina Perri - Jar of Hearts Official Video


Ok, I know I already said how much I love this song, and I still have it sitting there on my playlist, but I just saw the video and I think it's so hauntingly beautiful with the dancing and that whole sucking the heart out of the jar... LOVE IT!
You're gonna catch a cold/From the ice inside your soul/So don't come back for me/Who do you think you are?

The Teen Book Curse

     So I've been reading A LOT of teen books lately. I've never been much of a teen book reader- even when I was a teen. I started reading Dragonlance novels in grade five and was hooked to fantasy from then on, leaving that genre only for required school reading or the classics. As I became an adult I branched out a little- Clive Cussler, Dan Brown, Sophie Kinsella, some historical church novels, and of course- more classics. But I stayed true to fantasy- rereading my faves Robert Jordan, David Eddings, Tolkien, CS Lewis, and Terry Goodkind.
     The only time I went into the teen category was of course Harry Potter, Eragon, and Twilight. You'd think that Twilight would have made me want to delve into the whole YA phenomenon, but it didn't even cross my mind.
     And then Jessica Jacobs was born. The first novel I have even written. And it happens to be, yep- a teen book. Once I had it written and edited (once) and out to its very first agent, I decided I should read some teen books so I could know my audience, see what else was out there, and get the feel of the whole YA genre (if it can be called a genre). Thus began a long... well not very long since that was last february... relationship with unforgettable characters, interesting plots and very very quick reads.
     So what is this so-called curse you ask me? Well, a month or so ago I had nothing to read. I had gotten Diana Gabaldon's "Outlander" last christmas and I decided to finally take a crack at it. Thus began the curse. I found myself skimming not only some very X-rated moments (why didn't anyone warn me about those???) but extremely long descriptions and scenes that seemed so unnecessary to the plot. (Like hello- we already know Claire's a tough chick- we really didn't need to spend pages reading about her fight with a wolf to prove that.)
     I couldn't help but wonder (so SATC) if I would have skimmed that book so much if I'd read it before my whole teen reading jag. I've been known to skim before, but mostly the descriptive or boring parts of books that I've already read ten or more times. But after reading teen books where every word counts, every character is major, and the pacing is so quick I'm done the book in a day or two, it's almost impossible for me to read an adult book.
     I have considered the possibility that maybe it was just Outlander, and not all adult books. But again, last week I was without a book, too lazy to go to the library, and had an unread book on my bookshelf just waiting for me to crack open. So now I'm reading the much recommended "Pillars of the Earth" by Ken Follett. And yes- it's a good book.
     And yes- the curse is upon me. Just last night I found myself skimming a scene where this kid sets fire to a church. It took eighteen pages to show the kid thinking about starting the fire, actually starting the fire, and then getting out of the church.
     EIGHTEEN PAGES!!!
     In a teen book, that would have taken about two. I'm just sayin'.
     Will the curse ever leave me? You'd think since I'm a maturing adult, I'd be moving into more difficult and thought-provoking reads, rather than regressing to immortals macking on mortals, girls in spy school, and boys becoming werewolves in the cold weather. But no. Give me vampires, magic, angels, and tough chicks who battle it out in an arena. And give them to me in a book that I'll read in a day. At least until the curse disappears and I can read like an adult again.

The Vampire Diaries

   I finally watched the season premiere of The Vampire Diaries last night (it's on Thursday nights) and I LOVED it! I mean c'mon, what's not to love? Drama, action, romance, and two very hot brothers! The books are ok but this is one of the rare cases where I like the show better- probably because I started watching it before I read the books. I think what we see first is what we get used to. So I couldn't quite picture Elena as the blond ice queen that she's portrayed in the book.

     Anyway, I'm psyched that it's back. As much as I love my dancing shows (Dancing with the stars starts next week!), it's nice to have some drama to lose myself in. So yay for the Vampire Diaries. And ditto for Gossip Girl- although I haven't watched that premiere yet. Just waiting for some time...

Motherhood

    
     Motherhood has been on my mind lately. Ok- it's always on my mind. Because, duh, I'm a mother and have been since 2003. But more accurately, it's always on my mind because I have this ongoing battle inside myself about whether it's ok to want more than that.
     I've wanted to be a mother since I was a kid. I always knew I'd be one, I wanted it, and I never thought of anything more. Sure, I dreamed I'd be famous one day- a dancer, a pianist, an actress, on broadway, and of course- a writer. But I knew the reality was that I'd be a mother and I was fine with that.
     Before any of you dash over here- I'm still fine with it. I love being a mother and I love my children. There is nothing else like it in the world. Watching these kids who are a bit of you, a bit of your spouse, but mostly this whole new person, is just amazing. Seeing them grow before your eyes is AWEsome. And knowing they have the power to be anything they want to be- and more importantly- better than me, is my biggest dream.
     But I have other dreams as well. I want to be a writer. I want my book to be published and successful enough that I can go on and write more books. I want to write until the day I die.
     So the question is: is that wrong? Is it wrong to want more than just motherhood? Shouldn't being a mother be enough? Shouldn't my main goal in life be to raise my kids the best that I can, have a good clean home and healthy meals on the table and everything else that goes with being a mother/wife?
     Because I'll admit, that's not enough for me. And not a day goes by when I don't feel guilt over that.
     But here's the thing. I struggled when my third and then fourth were born with who I was. I felt like a completely useless person. That I had no skills whatsoever except maybe cleaning, which, c'mon, is not something I'm really proud of because I loathe it. Any mother who stays home with her kids knows that you can completely lose yourself. It becomes all about them and you forget who you used to be before they were born. Social skills become lost as you spend almost all your time talking with kids who can barely say a full sentence. Your brain power goes out the window, memory starts to fade, and body parts become almost unrecognizeable. So how do you find yourself again?
     For me, it was writing. When I got my idea for Jessica, I started writing it late september with a goal of 50 pages by Christmas. I barely made the goal- writing my 50th page on december 24th. But after christmas for some reason it was like a fire got lit under my butt and I went crazy- finishing my (at the time almost 600 page) book by february. And let me tell you- it made me so happy, so fulfilled and proud of myself that I don't want to ever lose that feeling. I think that every mother should pursue something on her own that brings back or helps her keep her sense of self. If you don't know what that thing is- find it! Search high and low for it, because I know the happiness it can bring.
     But I warn you- it also brings a whole new mess of problems. Like the guilt I mentioned before. The constant raging guilt that you should be spending time with your kids instead of doing that thing. Or the guilt from leaving the floor unvaccuumed, or serving mac and cheese for dinner, or staying up until 3 am because that's when you get the best inspiration even though you know you'll be cranky the next day. The guilt that you aren't satisfied with being the perfect mother/wife and that you need something more to feel like a whole person.
     I put this out there- not because I have any answers or solutions to this problem- but more to share what it is I'm going through daily and so that other mothers might realize that they aren't the only ones feeling this kind of thing. That many mothers struggle with the issue of who they are and the guilt from doing something other than mothering. I know I'm not the only one. And hey- maybe someone out there will read this and be able to give me some advice or words of wisdom... But no matter what, I'm determined to not only be the best mother I can be, but to write as well. Hopefully I'll be able to find a balance and someday leave the guilt behind.

The Dark Side and The Young Victoria

     So I've crossed over to the dark side. Yep- I've joined facebook. Now some might think- what the heck??? How is facebook the dark side? And others would think- what the heck??? Mel has joined facebook!?!?

     Here's the deal: although I do like keeping my life private, the fact of the matter is that I have written a book, and someday want millions of people to read it. And therefore I need to build a platform. And since I'm not so great at making contacts and networking face to face, why not take the easier route, AKA- Facebook.
     Besides, it's cooler than I thought it would be to see how old friends and family that I never see are doing. What can I say, I'm slow sometimes... which is why I never seem to get in on the trends until they're two, three, or ten years past trendy.

     And speaking of being slow, I just saw The Young Victoria last night with Emily Blunt and Rupert Friend. I know it has been out for awhile but it's one I've wanted to see since I passed on going to the early screening here in Calgary. I really loved the movie. What can I say, if a movie's got huge fancy dresses and people dancing at balls- I'm sold. Although I think the jump from Victoria and Albert being just friends to all-of-a-sudden married was rather quick, it was an interesting portrayal of Queen Victoria's early life. And both leads did a great job. So if anyone likes period pieces and hasn't seen this one yet- see it.
    
     And speaking of that movie- Albert gives Victoria a piece of music by Schubert that I love and have been trying to download it ever since but sadly it's very difficult to find classical music online these days- especially when you don't know the name of the song. If anyone knows what song I'm talking about and what it's called, let me know...

Linger

     I just finished reading Linger by Maggie Stiefvater last night. What a great book! It's the second in what's supposed to be a trilogy- Shiver is #1, then Linger, and Forever is slated to come out next year.
     I can't say much about the plot since it kind of gives away Shiver, but the books are about werewolves in small town Minnesota. If you're getting sick of paranormal, or the whole werewolf trend, don't discount these books. It's a different take on it all and I like that no other monsters come along to cloud the picture. (Hopefully that stays true in #3). The great thing about these books are that they are more thoughtful, more poetic, almost literary even, compared to most YA novels. The main guy in the book is often quoting poetry or making up song lyrics in his head which gives the book something more, something deeper. It's nice to be able to expand my horizons (hello Rilke) while still enjoying an easy read. I also liked how the author often did the unexpexted. Sure, some of the basic plot points are pretty predictable, but the story went places that I didn't think it would. Always a good thing. I'm excited for the next one to see how it she wraps up the story.

Dance Like No One Is Watching

     So I went to my first jazz class last night. I'm taking it downtown Calgary at Decidedly Jazz Danceworks. Let me just say I was sooo nervous all day yesterday. On my way there I honestly had abdominal pains- like PMS cramps. Only they weren't cramps- they were purely nerves!

              (And no- this is not me by the way. Ha! This is courtesy of the DJD website.)
     Of course, all my nervousness and freaking out and scaredy-cat-ness was a total waste of time. The class was great! I had a really fun time and no- they didn't kick me out because I was so terrible. It was the perfect mix of not too easy but not too hard either. And it was a great workout. I am so glad I signed up and I'm already thinking of doing another class starting january.
     You know what my main problem was though? I am so totally inhibited. It's ridiculous. I know I can dance- moderately well at least- and that I don't look like a fool when I do- most of the time- so what is my problem? Why did I get all worried about what the other people in the class would think of me or that I would look stupid?
     It reminds me of waaay back when I'd go to Youth or YSA dances. Before the dance I would blast music in my room and dance around like crazy while putting on my makeup (not at the same time- hello mascara in the eyeball!), so excited for the dance to come. Sometimes that sort of free attitude would stay with me at the dance and I would have a great time. In fact, that's how I was when me and my husband first sort of got together at a YSA dance.
     Sometimes, though, I would get to the dance and lose all that carefree spirit. It's like, Phwump- it would all go inside me and I would just be there. I remember one in particular- I was at BYU and it was homecoming I think. I got all dressed up and so did the guy I went with who I was sort of dating at the time. There he was at the dance doing all these silly moves like "the grocery cart" and "the sprinkler". And what did I do? I just stood there. Like a fool. Is it any wonder that the guy dumped me the next day? (Although not without a total MO session after the dance. Guys! Geesh) I remember thinking at the time- What is my problem? Why won't I dance? I'm a good dancer!
     I did have fun last night, and I did get into the steps- somewhat. But I watched some of the other students in the class and there were a couple of people who would just give 'er and I thought, why can't I do that? Why can't I dance like no one is watching?
     So I hereby make this vow: That I will no longer be so inhibited. And that I will dance like no one is watching- in my jazz class, and in life.
     Good luck with that Mel.

My Top #5 Slow Songs Right Now

     Ok, so I've figured out how to put a playlist on my blog (thank you Barb) and I've started with my top #5 slow songs that I love right now. Two of these songs are popular but the rest- not so much. But I love them all. And when I love something I want everyone to know about it so they can love it too.

     Like my #1- "Your Guardian Angel" by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus (I know, weird band name but whatever). This is probably my favorite song of all-time. I don't know what it is about it, but the song just stirs something within me, causing my breath to quicken and my heart to pound. Everytime. No joke. I just can't get enough of it. If I still danced, I would so choreograph a contemporary piece to this song because it totally stirs my soul.

     #2- "Jar of Hearts" by Christina Perri. There's something about this song too. What's funny is that I don't relate to the song, but I just get it, like I feel her pain. It makes me want to write this kind of pain for one of my characters, although that's not really possible right now. Hopefully later I'll have a character whose been trashed by a guy this badly because this song is major inspiration.

     #3- "Two is Better Than One" by Boys Like Girls and Taylor Swift. Ok- I mention this song at the end of my book. It's funny because every time I hear it I see like a movie montage of my book in my head. It just fits so well with the story. If my book was made into a movie (I know, I know, I'm looking way ahead)- I would really want this song on the soundtrack. Or at the very least during the end credits.

     #4- "Beside You" by Marianas Trench. Love it love it love it. This song was major inspiration for the 'love scenes' in my book. And I just love that the guy totally wails it out but it still sounds so romantic.

     #5- "You and I Tonight" by Faber Drive. Again- I hear this as background music in one scene near the end of my book. It fits so perfectly. It makes me want Jessica and Lord Alric to just last forever in their last night together. Unfortunately (spoiler alert) it's not meant to be.

      An honorable mention goes to #6- "Try" by Asher Book. This song is from the newest "Fame" movie. Asher's voice is so sweet, and the song is just pure and lovely and I swear I would melt if some guy sang this song to me like he does to the girl in the movie.
     So that's my top 5 (well, 6). Stay tuned for some more faves...

Thanks

     I just want to say thanks to all of you who have offered to come with me to a writers conference. My only question is, are you going to spend the one hundred and fifty bucks to go or are you expecting me to come up with that kind of cash?
     Ha ha, just kidding. Well, not really, because that's around how much the conferences are. But it's nice to know that I have friends who are willing to stand by my side. Seriously- it makes one all warm and fuzzy inside. I'll try to remember you all when I do get up the guts to go because it'll be nice to at least have a road trip pal along.
     Unfortunately, the money excuse isn't so much of an excuse as it is a reality right now. Since my husband just bought a new shed, some new golf clubs, and a certain christmas present for one of the kids, it's looking like I won't have to worry about being the biggest dork at the conference- at least not this year. Just wait Utah, I'll be there next year. But don't worry- you won't notice me because I'll be the one hiding out, ducking my head, avoiding everyone's eyes and trying my darndest to blend into the scenery.
     Ah, isn't it great to be me...

Fear

     One of the things I hate most about myself is how afraid I am of most things. And of course I'm not talking about heights or spiders (although the latter one does creep me out). Rather that I'm afraid of taking risks, of looking stupid, and of stepping out of my comfort zone- which is basically the organized little world encompassing mainly me and my family.  Let me tell you, it sucks to be afraid all the time. And again, I'm not talking about fear of natural disasters or death by lightening strike or anything like that. Let me give an example: I've thought a lot about going to a writer's conference. I've heard how great they are and how beneficial they are to writers and how much I could learn and who I could meet etc. But the thought of going to one all by myself, knowing absolutely no one, and having to meet and greet and mingle and even more scary- pitch my book to an agent or editor- freaks the crap right out of me. In fact, there are two conferences coming up in October- one in Kalispell, and one in Park City, UT. I know I could make the arrangements to go, but I can't quite make up my mind to do it. Why? FEAR. Except that when I talk myself out of it of course I don't acknowledge that excuse. Instead I blame my not going on the cost, the driving, having to get a babysitter for my kids. When really, the main thing holding me back is the fear that I'll sit there like a doofus and be too scared to go up to anyone and talk to them. Or that I'll freeze up when I'm faced with an agent and end up stuttering out something like,"uh yeah... my books about this girl... she's a daydreamer... yeah and she uh, ends up in medieval times... uh huh."
     Really brilliant.
     I know what I have to do is just force myself. Like the jazz classes I'm about to take. I debated back and forth about taking them but everytime I watch So You Think You Can Dance, I just feel the urge to be dancing again. So I signed up. Now I can't stop it from constantly gnawing on my brain. Will I be good enough? Will I be able to keep up? Will I look like a fool? Will I be so bad that they'll move me down to the beginner class?
     Can I just say, AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHGGGGGGGGGGGGG!!!!!!!
     So what's the point of all this? Well, there is no point. Except maybe one day I can look back and read this and (hopefully) think- man was I dumb to be so afraid of that! Or maybe even- man, I am so glad I'm not afraid of everything anymore!
     I can't wait for that day.

Michael Buble

    
     W.O.W. (And if anyone doesn't know how that's pronounced, it's wuh-ow-wuh).
     Michael Buble's concert last night was AMAZING! Just totally awesome and worth every penny I must say.
     I have to admit, I was a little worried that it wouldn't be that great. Now, I've been a Michael Buble fan since his second CD. So that's been like, four years now or so. I love his music and his voice. But I didn't know what his concert would be like. You know, maybe he would just sit there and sing and it would be kind of boring.

     Can I just say, NOT AT ALL. He was incredible. Not only does he have an amazing voice (duh) but he was a great entertainer too. He danced around, came down the aisles into the audience, and he was HILARIOUS! No joke. So funny. He made jokes about himself, his fiancee, Tiger Woods, Twilight, you name it. I was laughing so hard I was crying. And let me tell you, he had the crowd in the palm of his hand. I found myself smiling most of the time, except when he sang slow songs and then I was just mesmerized. Completely without thought. Seriously.
     He was... amazing, tremendous, incredible, awesome, stupendous, remarkable, wonderful, marvelous. Best concert ever! (Even better than 'N Sync!)
     I took this when he was making his way down the aisle back to the stage. We had floor seats, row 23, and were lucky to be close to the end so I could snap this one. He's singing there, not smiling funny. I only wish my camera was better so my pics turned out better. Ah well.

Great YA Books

     So I've been reading A TON of Young Adult books lately- you know, immersing myself in my genre and getting to know what teens like, etc. Anyway, I thought I'd post a list of books that I have loved in case anyone is looking for good books to read. The great thing about teen books are that they're quick and easy reads, have funny characters and great stories, and they're pretty clean- usually. So here's the ones I've loved and liked. I won't mention the ones I didn't care for so much cause there have been a few of those too.

Anything by Meg Cabot- The Princess Diaries, Avalon High (those are the ones I've read so far- she's written like 90 books! Oh to be Meg Cabot)
Stephenie Meyer- The Twilight Saga (duh)
Suzanne Collins- The Hunger Games, Catching Fire
Ally Carter- The Gallagher Girls series: I'd Tell You I Love You But Then I'd Have to Kill You, Cross My Heart and Hope to Spy, Don't Judge a Girl by Her Cover
Aprilynne Pike- Wings
Rick Riordan- Percy Jackson and the Olympians (all five)
Alyson Noel- Evermore, Blue Moon
Kelley Armstrong- The Summoning, The Awakening, The Reckoning
Maggie Stiefvater- Shiver

     Those are all I can think of right now. Thanks to my local library for having them and then I loved them all so much that I went out and bought them. No joke. (Except for The Princess Diaries series because there's more than 10 and I've read them just this past week and I so can't afford that many books at once!)
     Anyway, hope all you book lovers out there try some of these out because they really are great. And nothing is better for an author than word of mouth.

Self-Actualization

     So I've been reading The Princess Diaries books, and I'll freely admit they're awesome. No really. They're some of the most hilarious books I've ever read and I'd recommend them to anyone. Except maybe males who don't want to delve into the psyche of a fourteen-year-old girl. I can totally relate to them though having been a 14-year-old at one time, even though I never found out I was a princess, lived in NYC, or dated my best friends brother.
     Oh wait, I did do that last one.
     Moving on...
     One thing that Princess Mia strives for through all the books is 'self-actualization', which means realizing ones full potential. So in my own quest for self-actualization, I feel I need to admit something to world.
     I have written a novel, and it is a teen romance.
     Ok, maybe that doesn't seem like such a big deal to admit, but I have been reticent until now to label my novel in such a way. Honestly- I was embarrassed by the word 'romance'. When I think of romance novels, I picture those books that all have the same covers of a man showing his well-musceled chest bending over a woman with long flowing hair and a gown that is in danger of falling off. Now, I have never read a romance novel- Never. So how, one might ask, do I know what their covers look like? Well it's simple: I spend an alarming amount of time either in a library or a book store- so it's impossible not to pass the romance section. To prove this point, last week alone I was at my local Crossfield library four times and the nearest Indigo once. Not to mention that every time I go to Walmart or Superstore, I browse their book selection.
     Anyway... what I'm trying to say is, yes, I have written a romance. And not one with heaving bosoms or throbbing manhoods (sorry mom). Trust me- that stuff is not in my book. In fact, even the kissing scenes in my book made me giggle and blush like a 14-yr-old so I don't think it would be even possible for me to move on to anything racier.
     But my novel is a romance for the simple fact that my main character meets an incredibly hot and awesome man, and spends the book falling in love with him. That is the main theme, interspersed with sword-fighting, snobby ladies-in-waiting, a skanky boss, a creepy dude, and an even creepier Duke.
     So the point of all this is- I have written a teen romance. And I think it's awesome. And I hope one day people will read it, no matter what label it's given. But I will no longer hide what it is, or be embarrassed by it.
     Self-actualization- here I come!

What Have I Gotten Myself Into???

     So I've finished writing my first book which takes place during Medieval Times. Now I'm onto book #2 which takes place in the year 1781 at the very end of the American Revolution. And all I can say is...
     What Have I Gotten Myself Into???
     Here's the thing- I'm Canadian. I never studied the American Revolution in school. Sure, I did do two years of High School in Connecticut and during that time I took a US History Class. But we started at Reconstruction. For all you Canadians out there- that means the end of the Civil War. Almost a whole century later!!! So I know ZIP about the American Revolution. Basically, all my knowledge comes from the movie The Patriot. Yikes.
     This leaves me in a bit of a fix. Especially since getting a hold of books about this topic is very difficult here in Canada. The tiny Crossfield library has next to nothing, and neither does the local Indigo. My brother- who lives in the prime area of Pennsylvania- was kind enough to lend me a book called 1777, about the beginning of the war. Unfortunately, it's kind of the wrong year for my book. So I'm left with reading everything I can over the internet (thank you Wikipedia). The problem with that is that I barely retain any information so I find myself reading and re-reading and re-reading. Which takes a lot of time. And even with all that- I still make mistakes.
     For example, I had written a scene a couple of days ago where the main guy mentions how hard it would be to find a couple of swords. Last night, right before bed, I had this epiphany: The British soldiers have swords right on their uniforms! And this guy talking is- yep- a British soldier. So he's saying he could never find a sword when he's wearing one right at his waist!!!
     D'oh. So I had some changes to do. At 11pm. Right when I had just gone to bed. So up I went, in my undies, to sit at the computer and change the glaring mistake I had made. Then I went back to bed only to get up about two minutes later to make more fixes. 
     I just hope I know what I'm doing. Because I want to be accurate. I don't want to make hugely obvious mistakes about that time period, thereby making me look like a complete idiot, thereby insuring that not one person will want to publish and/or read this book.
     What have I gotten myself into?

Indoor Girl

     So I went camping this weekend. And it totally reinforced a fact that I've always known but never really wanted to be true: that I'm an indoor girl.
     I don't know what movie I heard that from but it's always stuck with me. The main guy in the movie says it to the girl, like, "you're kind of an indoor girl" in an almost derogatory way and I've never forgotten it. Clearly because it totally describes me. If I had to choose between, 1) spending a weekend in a tent on an uncomfortable air mattress in the freezing cold and having to walk a mile to pee in a stinky outhouse with a mystery brown splotch on its floor or 2) spending a weekend in a warm hotel with a shower, tv, and bathroom just steps away and restaurants to eat in and shopping...
   Well I'd choose 2. All the way. No question. Done.
   Not that camping this past weekend didn't have its highlights, because it did. Sitting around the campfire, swimming in the lake, lounging at the beach... But as it started to rain on saturday evening, I soon caved to the insistently growing need to be warm and sleep in my own bed instead of shivering all night long and listening to coyotes howl away seemingly steps from my flimsy fabric domain.
     So even though I've tried to ignore the signs, to hide the fact from everyone I know, to delude myself, I'm finally coming clean.
     I'm an indoor girl. And I'm proud.

Girls Weekend

     I haven't really mentioned my girls trip last weekend, but it was great! We shopped, shopped, and shopped some more. Oh- and ate so much that I felt stuffed most of the time. And there were movies too- lots of movies. It's nice to have some time away, to get a break from diapers and crying and "mooooom, mooooom!" over and over. I find that it's good to miss my family- it helps to not take them for granted. And it's great to come home and have Avery run at me with her arms out. Soooo cute!
     Anyway, the highlights of the trip for me were probably all the food and movies. Shopping at Target too- I love that place. We tried some new restaurants- a BBQ place, a Mexican place (yum) and a Mongolian Grill called HuHot. So delish! That was probably my favorite. In fact, I ate so much good food that I barely ate any of the many treats that I bought. Now they're sitting in my cupboard, waiting for the weekend when I can devour them all. Ahhh Milky Way bars- stop calling my name.
     We saw a movie each night which was great because I rarely get to go to the movies. I love it. There's something so exciting about getting the ticket, the popcorn, and then waiting in anticipation for the movie to begin. One of my roommates at BYU said once that she'd get so distracted by the previews that she'd forget what movie she was seeing and then she'd get excited all over again when the movie started. I feel that exact same way.
     Charlie St. Cloud was the first one we saw. Helloooo Zac Efron! My husband always bugs me that I have a crush on him and I totally didn't. After seeing that movie though... The best part was when Emily blurted out "WOW!" Hilarious. The next night we saw Salt- a typical Angelina Jolie movie. Then on sunday night we saw The Sorcerer's Apprentice. Loved it! So it was kinda cheesy and it won't win an Oscar, but the guy is just so charmingly nerdy, and I love anything to do with magic, that I laughed out loud and had a great time.
     We went to this huge antique place which smelled like dust and mold and had all this junk that I wouldn't pay 25 cents for, let alone the ridiculous prices they were demanding. They had these medieval helmets that were over a hundred bucks so I didn't buy one, but we had fun trying them on. I'm going to attempt to post a pic of me wearing one. Do you think it's the kind of helmet Lord Alric would wear or what? It's not quite how I imagined it but close.

Rejection

   Not only did I have to deal with sick kids yesterday, but I got my fifth rejection. I know 'they' say that rejection doesn't mean much, that you have to have a thick skin to be a part of this business, and that pretty much all writers received tons of rejections before their first novel was published.
   That doesn't stop it from stinging just a little bit.
   No one likes to be rejected. I watched the Bachelorette finale last night and was thinking about how people who go on that show barely know the Bachelor/Bachelorette who they are fighting to win in the end. And yet, they still feel hurt and disappointed when they are rejected and kicked off the show.
   This isn't that much different. Agents know me not at all, and at most they've read the first chapter or two of my book, but I'm still being rejected for whatever reason. I think that's the hardest part- that I don't know the reason. It could be my title, my word count, the synopsis in my query letter, or the query letter as a whole. It could be my credentials (or lack thereof) or the fact that I either didn't include personal information about them or that I did and it seems like I'm brown-nosing. Or maybe they make it past all that and it's my book after all- at least the first 5-10 pages which is the most I'm allowed to send.
   That is what makes this business- and rejections- tough. Because if I knew what was wrong, what I had to fix or work on, then I would do it 100 percent. But I get no feedback whatsoever and therefore have to keep on like I am and hope that I just haven't found the right person yet and that they are out there somehwere, just waiting for a book like mine.
   I hope I don't sound whiny. I realize that agents are inundated with hundreds, sometimes thousands of query letters and that there is no possible way they can spend time giving feedback to each one. I'm just commenting on the difficulty of it all and how, no matter what anyone says, rejections still sting.
   All writers say don't give up. I'm not giving up. Because deep down I believe in my book. I love my book. I'm passionate about it and I want other people to read it and love it like I do.