Deep Thoughts

     Yesterday, I said that Before I Fall (by Lauren Oliver) might be the best book I read in October, but I couldn't say for sure since I hadn't finished it.
     Well, I finished it last night and yes- it was the best book of the month. Have you read 13 Reasons Why by Jay Asher? This book reminded me of that one. It's powerful, it makes you think, it sticks with you. And they both made me cry.
     The premise: Samantha Kingston lives out the day she dies seven times- which makes for seven very long chapters (my only complaint). Each time, each day she changes things, and on the way, well she learns some things. I speculated about the ending but it didn't turn out like I thought, or like I hoped.
     An interesting thing about: after the first chapter, I really wasn't liking Sam or her friends. They weren't nice people, not likeable characters. Then there's this quote, taken from the end of the first chapter, the end of the first time- the original way- she dies.
     I  know some of you are thinking maybe I deserved it...
     But before you start pointing fingers, let me ask you: is what I did really so bad? So bad I deserved to die? So bad I deserved to die like that?
     Is what I did really so much worse than what anybody else does?
     Is it really so much worse than what you do?
     Think about it.
     There the narrator was, pointing out exactly what I was thinking. Which got me really thinking. That's what this book does- gets you thinking about life for real.
     One thing I was thinking about, and this is me just rambling a bit here... but I'm long past all that high school stuff. I still worry a bit what people think of me, but I don't care about being the most popular, the prettiest, the best. After reading this book, I wasn't so much thinking of myself, but of my kids. If you've read it, maybe you'll remember Kent and Rob. What makes one boy turn into a Rob and what makes one turn into a Kent? Or what makes someone a Juliet and what makes one a Lindsay? That is the question that haunts me after reading the book. How will my kids turn out? In high school, will they be the bully, the bullied, or someone in between? How can I stop my kids from going through all that pain and hurt in high school, or how can I stop them from inflicting that pain on someone else?
     I'm asking these questions when really, I already know the answers. I know what I can do just like I know that no matter what I do, I can't shield them and I can't make them perfect. I guess for now, I can sigh in relief that I have a few years yet before they reach that age, and also prepare myself for when they do.
     Having kids is hard.
     To totally change the mood- 30 Day Song Challenge, Day 21: A Song I Listen To When I'm Happy.
     Lots of things make me happy. It makes me happy that I can find happiness in the little things in life, like music. Like Michael Buble. Like his song Everything which, when I hear it, I smile, I dance, I sing, and everything is right with the world.